Remember the days of MySpace? OK ok maybe you’re not that old… but it was so exciting.  Connecting with old friends, people you rarely saw and then…stop the presses it’s FACEBOOK FOR EVERYONE!!! We all jumped in, sharing our lives, laughter and feeling this awesome new connectedness to one’s we had lost touch with. Well, at least that’s how we ‘remember’ it, nostalgia probably washes over the ugly and we forget any former angst.
  However, I think it’s clear that one thing social media lends itself well to, and we have jumped to the occasion …is judging our fellow humans.  I scrolled through Facebook just now…and in all of the span of less than 2 minutes saw articles/posts/memes on the following : working mom’s have it harder, stay at home moms have it harder, gun lovers suck, gun haters suck, Republicans are @#$holes, Democrats are @#$holes, poor parenting is rampant, LGBT people are the problem, Black pride is the problem, Islam is the problem, Atheists are the problem, Christians are the problem, fat people should feel shame, skinny people don’t know shame, kids need to be spanked, kids should never be spanked.
Not even exaggerating…in the span of less time than it took to hook up to the dial-up interweb in 1990, my core self was exposed to so much hate, shame, blame and lack of humanity that my head spun-at age 40.
Social media has so many good uses, so many opportunities, yet we consistently find pleasure in using it to boost ourselves at the expense of others. We MUST be right, we MUST be heard, acknowledged…and if you think you are immune, you are probably not. I myself last night posted a link to the first blog-post I’d written in nearly, if not longer, than a year. When after an hour had passed and no one liked it, I thought, we’ll I must have screwed it up…or maybe it didn’t post? Is Facebook hiding it? Somethings not right…yep, I admit it, I was unconsciously yet ACTIVELY seeking validation and I never saw it in the moment.
My point here is we are hurting others, hurting ourselves in the process and completely blind to this perpetual cycle of hate, judgement, validation and Shame. We sought out connection and with every post and like or comment we are driving a wedge between ourselves and our fellow humans. I’d love to say this is a call to action, a cry for us, myself included, to do better…but for now, I’m just seeing…feeling and wondering. I don’t know what comes next, I just know the thought is a tad bit scary.

About 4 months ago I decided to start using my drive time (about 2 hours a day) to listen to audiobooks, mainly focused on self-development.  It’s been over 100 hours of time that would have been mindless that I have turned into self reflection, learning and HOLY CRAP! THAT’S ME, moments.
     Over this time, I’ve listened to Gretchen Rubin, Elizabeth Gilbert, Brene Brown, and Darren Hardy, just to name a few. What I’ve learned this far, is that I have an intense love for the human psyche, emotions and psychology.  I’ve also learned that just when I think I have something figured out, I realize I have it all wrong.

Mostly, I have learned that I don’t yet know myself,but that I NEED to, if I want to bring my best self forward.  I have the tendency to attribute the qualities that I see as negative, to others, before myself. I am willing and ready to help others, but not myself. ( I haven’t figured that one out yet? Perhaps helping myself means acknowledging that I NEED it, which means I have to face my imperfections, shame and fears)

    Lastly, I think what I haven’t yet mastered, but am learning on a moment by moment basis, is that there is no end in sight…that learning who I am, and trying to bring my best self forward is never going to “happen”.  And that, that is what I love the most and yet it also scares me the most.  Some days I feel like the more self development/ psychology/mind/spirit/parenting/life books I expose myself to- the more i need a therapist.  I think thats the absolute beauty of this journey, learning that you want to be better, feel better and do better, but having to struggle through the process.  I am, and always will be, an unfinished project, and I am slowly (very slowly) learning to be “ok” with that, and occasionally even, beyond EXCITED to be that😀