I’m not letting fear control me, I’m making conscious choices and I’m living my life. My life may not be as glamorous or involve as many distractions, but don’t think for ONE second I’m not living my life to the fullest. MY fullest I’ve learned, is days spent with my family. Learning the things I never had the chance to, laughing and fighting, living and crying and most of all learning and ❤ loving, and then maybe fighting some more😜

When my oldest was born I got 12 weeks of maternity leave, my youngest i got 6 weeks. Since then I have spent 5 days a week away from them for 14 years+. Now ,for 19 weeks I have spent nearly every day waking up with them here, working with them here, and going to bed with them here. To say its been all sunshine and rainbows would be a lie…but to say these are days I have been blessed with that I otherwise would never have seen is truer than true and I will choose to be forever grateful for getting this time with them.
We have had a few small getaways, away from crowds and with our small circle mostly. There are days i feel like I’m going to go crazy, just like there always have been, and likely always will be. The difference is that I’ve learned that although a break is needed from time to time, I’m finding I need those breaks less often than I used to think I did. Its not only absence that makes the heart grow fonder, its also, if not moreso, being together. I want things to get better, I want my kids to get to someday, hopefully sooner rather than later, have a normal school experience. I can’t say I want things to go back to the way they were, because back then i didn’t know that I was missing out on LIFE because I didn’t realize what I had right in front of me.

Day 5241 of hostage situation
Day 9,865,743 of quarantine
(Math not adding up? Ya well I used common core to calculate it so suck it up buttercup!)

Since my last journal entry in mid February alot has changed…yet I seem to have no adventures to speak of? Its perplexing to say the least. I fear the assailants may have done experiments on me in my sleep and erased my memory? Its almost as if we’ve done literally NOTHING for over a month??
The assailants are no longer going TO school and I’m no longer going TO work…we are all doing it from home which is going SUPER SWELL(as my earlier math demonstrates)
The male hostage taker is now taller than both of us hostages and the female is…cranky!
I know I spoke earlier of the food they consumed…silly me! I vastly underestimated their eating capabilities as the last 6 weeks have proved! We may be foraging for seeds and berries if they keep this up! Its a shame Ramen noodles, cosmic brownies and ham sandwiches don’t grow on trees🤔
I have been subjected to the continuous torture of nonstop anime and electric guitar playing for approximately 1 million days give or take 999,955…
Tonight while the assailants were busy I spoke with my former hostage, aka my mother, and she made mention of May 25th to which I excitedly exclaimed ITS MAY 25TH ALREADY!?! I was a tad disheartened to discover she was speaking of a future date… apparently, despite all hopes and prayers…. its still April…

Another unpopular rant I’m sure…but my page my rules so suck it up buttercup! For all of you saying oh calm down it’s just like the flu, go live your life, quit being afraid, and dont expect me to stay home I’m gonna do what I want blah blah blah…

Well, if everyone chooses to think like you, then dont be crying n whining when you, your husband, wife, brother, sister, parent, grandparent, kid, grandkid, has a SERIOUS health emergency and can’t get care because every emergency room, and ICU bed is full. The US doesnt have millions of ICU beds. This isn’t about being afraid or paranoid. It’s not about stopping the virus, it’s about broadening the timeline of serious infections so our healthcare system can adequately care for everyone who needs it.

I get it, it’s easier to convince ourselves this is much ado about nothing …until someone you love needs help and you have to watch and wait because they can’t get it.

Probably wont be a popular post but sometimes I just can’t help myself…
I see so many people who are constantly posting about how younger generations have no accountability and young people blame everyone else for their problems. Ironically many of these same people are now blaming the media for the Coronavirus “panic”. My opinion…the media is doing their job, maybe it’s on 24/7 and it seems overboard but last I heard you all had remote controls, volume buttons and options to flip the page. Would you rather be in a country where you know nothing??? The media tells us what’s going on, I cant vouch for the reliability of it, but freaking heck people! How YOU react to the news is YOUR CHOICE… if people are acting poorly, panicking, not doing anything at all… the media isnt to blame THE PEOPLE are! So quit whining about being too informed, do some freaking research and make better choices! RANT OVER

Winter is long for all that reside here, but winter as a hostage seems endless.

The assailants have both taken a liking to down hill skiing (that sport where you strap long apparatuses on your feet and find the highest snow covered hills to speed down, hoping not to end in injury) so they dont seem to mind as much as me. Unfortunately I’m out of livestock to sell so there will be no sliding down slopes this weekend, which means I’ll be indoors with them- Lord save me!

I have been under the weather this week, as have both assailants on and off, which makes for a long week. Both seem to be feeling somewhat better which sounds good…unless you’re a hostage 😭.

Most assailants when ill will ask for chicken soup, or various other comfort foods. But when I asked the man child what he would like, he informed me he would like beef Plov. I am aware of talks of Russian meddling in elections, and facebook and all the issues involving the Ukraine…I just never expected it to come so close to home. I secretly used my “witchcraft” aka Pinterest to find a recipe…I even found one to use my instant pot that my co-hostage gifted me. When my Male hostage taker suspected my using the device he grew agitated and questioned me… WHY? I explained it would take 3 or more hours on the cooking heat apparatus, only 50 minutes in my device. He seemed intrigued, and asked “does the recipe specify to use whole garlic bulb sliced in half?” I said yes…”does it use these spices….” I said yes. “Does it CLEARLY STATE NOT to stir the rice!” I said yes with a sweaty brow and hope…he thought for a moment and said…ok use the instant pot. PHEWWWWW another hostage metaphorical bullet dodged!

The female assailant is in the shower…I keep hearing her talking to someone…and they do her EVERY command! She yells from the shower “Hey Google, play Boy in the Bubble by Alec Benjamin” and…within seconds I hear a voice saying “ok, playing blah blah blah on YouTube music” ahhhhhh the YT entity strikes again!!!! Even more frightening, I hear the manchild doing it also! Does this mean…could it be true…is there another hostage!?! Every night I hear it, but every night when one of them is done, I check the bathroom for more hostages and only find towels and clothes in need of laundering…I am at a loss. I wish they would tell this new hostage (apparently named Google) to wash the laundry and cook!

It’s been many moons since I have shared my story. They say time flies when you’re having fun…I wonder if that’s true or one of those MeMe things that are circulating the interwebs!? Since my last entry I’m not even sure what has happened…its all a blur. What I can tell you, I will…forgive me if I repeat trials from previous entries for the days seem to run together, only standing apart now due to the white frigid substance covering the ground.
The young man child captor is now much taller than I, and I must look up to see his face… The female captor has grown as well and now reaches past my shoulder in height…it reminds me that my captivity has been long but somehow I feel sadness thinking one day it will be but a mere memory 🙁
The female hostage taker continues to follow the YT entity and it pains me daily. She has also resorted to forcing me to watch nonstop anime… hour upon hour.. an obvious form of mental torture aimed at weakening my resolve!
The young manchild has cohorts here on a weekly basis and though I try to feed them, I fear the tapeworms are within them all.. my pantry cries in anguish. He has taken a liking to skiing down sharp slopes… it is good that he gets into fresh air but I can see that we will need to sell some livestock to afford it (I guess we will need to buy some livestock first?🤔)
The female hostage taker is showering and the manchild and his cohorts are fighting with lightsabers in the basement so I shall now take my few moments of peace and try to find my sanity…I know I had it just the other day?! Or.. did i?

The assailants are keeping me very busy lately and I find it hard to sneak in my ramblings though I know I’ll need to look back on these someday to remember just how much I survived.

The YT continues to haunt my existence though now it seems to be in a power struggle with TikTok… I think I hate the latter more.

The other day I was chauffeuring the young female to her cheer practice as she played NONSTOP YT videos on makeup. She then proceeded to explain the horrible heart wrenching drama between these YT stars. I simply said, “that’s alot of drama in the YT world ” to which she matter of factly and snidely replies “um, you mean the beauty community?” I said “Lexi, you know we didnt have YouTube to teach us how to do makeup when I was young” , to which the young female responded “I know that’s why everyone looked so wonky”

Several days previous to this I was in a fun argument with the man child (who now greatly exceeds me in vertical stature). I was talking about something I did prior to his conception and birth and he insisted he was right. I said “how would you know you weren’t even a twinkle in my eye then, it was long before you were born” to which he immediately responded “mom, females are born with every egg they’ll ever have fully intact, so yes, I WAS there” …and you see now what I am up against. I continue to need strength as I fear the forces I am up against can far outwit me😭

It’s been many moons since my last entry…I am still with this world, somehow i survive, one day at a time.

Nearly every weekend the man child recruits his cohorts to come to the homestead. They come, they eat, they leave on non motorized two wheeled apparatuses, and return just in time to eat again, the cycle repeats infinitely. They always walk with a purpose, quickly scurrying about as if there is an end goal, yet I see no goal, no spoils..no end in sight. I think they must just move fast to prevent me from speaking to them? I see no other logical explanation.

The young female is nearing the end of one season of “cheer” (a sport where these young hostage takers chant and contort their bodies and do shows of athleticism all to show support for another group of athletes during matches). This weekend prior to her last game the captor was injured during a stunt and gashed open her chin requiring 3 stitches. This young female captor amazes yet terrifies me….during all this she shed a few tears (no sounds, just salty liquid escaping from the eyes) but remained calm and never complained…. I fear she is stronger than I realized and escape could prove to be futile if not worse😳.

Twas the night before school and all thru the house one captor was showering the other was asleep, quiet as a mouse. The backpacks were hung by the door with care in hope’s that school morning soon would be there. When out from the quiet there arose a large….smell of smoke, from the cast iron pan this hostage left on😳. The MOUS, quickly rose to my aid and turned off the burner and moved off the pan.

It is the eve of the first day of the school year and this hostage is ready. The captors are in denial, and often tell me we must not speak of the “S” word until it is here, but I have often slipped and failed in that demand.

If I was not called away to my vocation most days I do not know if I would be more excited for tomorrow or less? All this captive knows is that the time the assailants have to wreak havoc on my abode has been diminished by EIGHT HOURS! <sweet angelic singing> This captive is OK with the school year starting, but I must not show my eagerness or I fear they will suspect something.

Tomorrow morning is slightly terrifying. The task of rising my assailants in the wee hours of morning, to send them off to where they wish not be will surely have its challenges, but I am strong! Surviving 5000+ days as a hostage, if nothing else, has given me incredible strength I didn’t know I could have….I shall rise to the challenge and come out victorious!

It’s been over 30 days since my last update, I’m still alive!

Over this month I cannot possibly share the terrors I’ve encountered in one entry. I will do my best to share a few, then allow you time to come to terms with the world we think we know (but do NOT) before I continue.

The YouTube entity-(hereforth you shall see me refer to the YouTube entity as YT in an effort to lessen my anxiety at the mention of this beast!) its pull is stronger than ever and I am increasingly suspicious. I do not claim to be a conspiracy theorist, but did you know this entity captures OTHER electronic entities “souls” and puts them on display??? For example, last night I was being punished, for what I am not sure, but it…was…BRUTAL! I was forced to watch TikTok videos on YT for nearly TWO hours! When I find out what terrible crime I was punished for I can assure you it will NOT happen again!

Also, the young female assailant has decided that since I am unable to spend as much time with YT as her, that she shall tell me in grave detail about every video she sees, I have yet to determine if this is normal hostage treatment or a torture method, but I lean toward the latter.

Lastly, the male assailant has me worried…I fear he may have an invasive parasite consuming his nutrients. Today when I arrived home from my secondary hostage situation, I saw what he had consumed😳. A frozen meal, a mini apple pie, an entire package of lunch meat, a bag of chips (a family size bag), a 1/4 jar of peanut butter, half a loaf of bread, a lb of raspberries, a 1lb block of cheese…and that doesnt include any foodstuffs he consumed without evidence!

As the hostage, I am unsure if I need to consult the village Shaman or if that would anger my assailants and put me in danger of more YT torture… I guess I will take a day to ponder before I act.

My next post will dive deeper into the hostage takers world, if I were to be you, I would prepare myself for what horror stories are yet to come!