I cannot control the politics in this country.  I cannot control who is deceitful, who isn’t or anyone in between.   I am not the girl who is going to change the world, I am going to focus on my little world here.  That doesn’t mean you can walk all over me, it doesn’t mean I won’t state my mind, it doesn’t mean I won’t do everything in my power to ensure that my kids know where I stand and what I  will and won’t tolerate.  Call me a snowflake,  call me whatever the F#@$ you want, but while you’re busy reading, studying,  posting your theories on fb, parler, mewe, Twitter, whatever…I’m seeing it and scrolling on past.  See I used to get really worked up, like REALLY… over the political bs, and it was only adding to the stress I already have because  #life.  So I made myself a promise that I wasn’t going to engage anymore , I only have so much energy within my being and I wasn’t going to waste anymore of it on something I ultimately cannot control.  So for the last 8 weeks, I’ve scrolled past political posts, I’ve avoided conversations,  I’ve maybe had a few here and there but not many. 

    I already know what some of you are thinking/want to say…so let me stop you… gonna just say it in all caps for y’all in the back

POSTING YOUR OPINION ON SOCIAL MEDIA ISN’T GOING TO CHANGE ANYTHING

so in the same regard, me commenting isn’t going to change anything either.  I literally have no energy left for this shit show…if I decide I want to make a change it’ll be in the conversations I have with people, in raising my kids, and in how I choose to treat people.  I reserve the right to rejoin the social media political shitshow anytime I want #freedom , but for now, its been pretty freaking nice ignoring you all ❤

I don’t care who you voted for, this right here is the FRAUD you all are missing… the human “Christian” who KNOWS God’s plan instead of trusting his plan. I wish you could see the Pandoras box you are opening up by claiming to know why anything happens and/or claiming to know that it was God’s will and not the free will that humankind has. You understand by saying these things you’re telling every Christian who disagrees with your POLITICS that they are REJECTED by your religion and for them that means THEIR God.. the one they have a personal relationship with that you do not, nor cannot, know or judge!

So if Trump wins God has shed his Grace on us and given us a true leader…if Biden wins then God has punished us for our wickedness… idk call me crazy but I don’t think that’s how it works?? So are you saying God was punishing the Jewish people slaughtered by Hitler? That HE perpetrated that? Do you have ANY comprehension of how YOUR refusal to accept that free will of humans is responsible for the outcomes WE create, is literally turning people away from God?? I’ll give you a clue its the HUMAN SINNER in you …so STOP claiming you know God’s will because you do NOT. Maybe the wickedness God is looking to end is your belief that you know his plan!

I think we can all agree that these days, especially on social media things are divisive. We all have friends, who we love but may not see eye to eye with, posting things we feel strongly about.
The thing is, conversations on social media posts completely remove the personal aspect and we forget to respect the PERSON we are talking AT. I say AT because let’s be honest, in a heated social media debate we are rarely talking WITH someone, we are talking AT them. We rarely have any interest in hearing their viewpoint, we’ve already decided they are wrong, crazy, misguided etc.
Social media isn’t all bad, it gives us a chance to spew, to share moments, to ask, to learn, to connect. What I think we need to remember is that we should treat our friends (yes even on social media) as we would want them to treat us. If I don’t want people arguing with my posts, I shouldnt argue on theirs. If I don’t want snide comments, I shouldn’t give them. I am guilty of this, so I’m not preaching… I’m sharing because I learned a lesson. I commented when I knew it wasn’t wanted, and I knew I wouldn’t want the same done to me. And it got a little heated (like low key heated, but heated) and I realized I was in the wrong. So, I reached out via a private message and I apologized, and I received in return, grace, and we moved on. Talking one on one to a person can really be whats needed. There is no POST anymore…now its a PERSON and if you are connected on social media, there should be a reason…talking one on one just might remind you of it.

I’m not letting fear control me, I’m making conscious choices and I’m living my life. My life may not be as glamorous or involve as many distractions, but don’t think for ONE second I’m not living my life to the fullest. MY fullest I’ve learned, is days spent with my family. Learning the things I never had the chance to, laughing and fighting, living and crying and most of all learning and ❤ loving, and then maybe fighting some more😜

When my oldest was born I got 12 weeks of maternity leave, my youngest i got 6 weeks. Since then I have spent 5 days a week away from them for 14 years+. Now ,for 19 weeks I have spent nearly every day waking up with them here, working with them here, and going to bed with them here. To say its been all sunshine and rainbows would be a lie…but to say these are days I have been blessed with that I otherwise would never have seen is truer than true and I will choose to be forever grateful for getting this time with them.
We have had a few small getaways, away from crowds and with our small circle mostly. There are days i feel like I’m going to go crazy, just like there always have been, and likely always will be. The difference is that I’ve learned that although a break is needed from time to time, I’m finding I need those breaks less often than I used to think I did. Its not only absence that makes the heart grow fonder, its also, if not moreso, being together. I want things to get better, I want my kids to get to someday, hopefully sooner rather than later, have a normal school experience. I can’t say I want things to go back to the way they were, because back then i didn’t know that I was missing out on LIFE because I didn’t realize what I had right in front of me.

Day 5241 of hostage situation
Day 9,865,743 of quarantine
(Math not adding up? Ya well I used common core to calculate it so suck it up buttercup!)

Since my last journal entry in mid February alot has changed…yet I seem to have no adventures to speak of? Its perplexing to say the least. I fear the assailants may have done experiments on me in my sleep and erased my memory? Its almost as if we’ve done literally NOTHING for over a month??
The assailants are no longer going TO school and I’m no longer going TO work…we are all doing it from home which is going SUPER SWELL(as my earlier math demonstrates)
The male hostage taker is now taller than both of us hostages and the female is…cranky!
I know I spoke earlier of the food they consumed…silly me! I vastly underestimated their eating capabilities as the last 6 weeks have proved! We may be foraging for seeds and berries if they keep this up! Its a shame Ramen noodles, cosmic brownies and ham sandwiches don’t grow on trees🤔
I have been subjected to the continuous torture of nonstop anime and electric guitar playing for approximately 1 million days give or take 999,955…
Tonight while the assailants were busy I spoke with my former hostage, aka my mother, and she made mention of May 25th to which I excitedly exclaimed ITS MAY 25TH ALREADY!?! I was a tad disheartened to discover she was speaking of a future date… apparently, despite all hopes and prayers…. its still April…

Another unpopular rant I’m sure…but my page my rules so suck it up buttercup! For all of you saying oh calm down it’s just like the flu, go live your life, quit being afraid, and dont expect me to stay home I’m gonna do what I want blah blah blah…

Well, if everyone chooses to think like you, then dont be crying n whining when you, your husband, wife, brother, sister, parent, grandparent, kid, grandkid, has a SERIOUS health emergency and can’t get care because every emergency room, and ICU bed is full. The US doesnt have millions of ICU beds. This isn’t about being afraid or paranoid. It’s not about stopping the virus, it’s about broadening the timeline of serious infections so our healthcare system can adequately care for everyone who needs it.

I get it, it’s easier to convince ourselves this is much ado about nothing …until someone you love needs help and you have to watch and wait because they can’t get it.

Probably wont be a popular post but sometimes I just can’t help myself…
I see so many people who are constantly posting about how younger generations have no accountability and young people blame everyone else for their problems. Ironically many of these same people are now blaming the media for the Coronavirus “panic”. My opinion…the media is doing their job, maybe it’s on 24/7 and it seems overboard but last I heard you all had remote controls, volume buttons and options to flip the page. Would you rather be in a country where you know nothing??? The media tells us what’s going on, I cant vouch for the reliability of it, but freaking heck people! How YOU react to the news is YOUR CHOICE… if people are acting poorly, panicking, not doing anything at all… the media isnt to blame THE PEOPLE are! So quit whining about being too informed, do some freaking research and make better choices! RANT OVER

Winter is long for all that reside here, but winter as a hostage seems endless.

The assailants have both taken a liking to down hill skiing (that sport where you strap long apparatuses on your feet and find the highest snow covered hills to speed down, hoping not to end in injury) so they dont seem to mind as much as me. Unfortunately I’m out of livestock to sell so there will be no sliding down slopes this weekend, which means I’ll be indoors with them- Lord save me!

I have been under the weather this week, as have both assailants on and off, which makes for a long week. Both seem to be feeling somewhat better which sounds good…unless you’re a hostage 😭.

Most assailants when ill will ask for chicken soup, or various other comfort foods. But when I asked the man child what he would like, he informed me he would like beef Plov. I am aware of talks of Russian meddling in elections, and facebook and all the issues involving the Ukraine…I just never expected it to come so close to home. I secretly used my “witchcraft” aka Pinterest to find a recipe…I even found one to use my instant pot that my co-hostage gifted me. When my Male hostage taker suspected my using the device he grew agitated and questioned me… WHY? I explained it would take 3 or more hours on the cooking heat apparatus, only 50 minutes in my device. He seemed intrigued, and asked “does the recipe specify to use whole garlic bulb sliced in half?” I said yes…”does it use these spices….” I said yes. “Does it CLEARLY STATE NOT to stir the rice!” I said yes with a sweaty brow and hope…he thought for a moment and said…ok use the instant pot. PHEWWWWW another hostage metaphorical bullet dodged!

The female assailant is in the shower…I keep hearing her talking to someone…and they do her EVERY command! She yells from the shower “Hey Google, play Boy in the Bubble by Alec Benjamin” and…within seconds I hear a voice saying “ok, playing blah blah blah on YouTube music” ahhhhhh the YT entity strikes again!!!! Even more frightening, I hear the manchild doing it also! Does this mean…could it be true…is there another hostage!?! Every night I hear it, but every night when one of them is done, I check the bathroom for more hostages and only find towels and clothes in need of laundering…I am at a loss. I wish they would tell this new hostage (apparently named Google) to wash the laundry and cook!

It’s been many moons since I have shared my story. They say time flies when you’re having fun…I wonder if that’s true or one of those MeMe things that are circulating the interwebs!? Since my last entry I’m not even sure what has happened…its all a blur. What I can tell you, I will…forgive me if I repeat trials from previous entries for the days seem to run together, only standing apart now due to the white frigid substance covering the ground.
The young man child captor is now much taller than I, and I must look up to see his face… The female captor has grown as well and now reaches past my shoulder in height…it reminds me that my captivity has been long but somehow I feel sadness thinking one day it will be but a mere memory 🙁
The female hostage taker continues to follow the YT entity and it pains me daily. She has also resorted to forcing me to watch nonstop anime… hour upon hour.. an obvious form of mental torture aimed at weakening my resolve!
The young manchild has cohorts here on a weekly basis and though I try to feed them, I fear the tapeworms are within them all.. my pantry cries in anguish. He has taken a liking to skiing down sharp slopes… it is good that he gets into fresh air but I can see that we will need to sell some livestock to afford it (I guess we will need to buy some livestock first?🤔)
The female hostage taker is showering and the manchild and his cohorts are fighting with lightsabers in the basement so I shall now take my few moments of peace and try to find my sanity…I know I had it just the other day?! Or.. did i?

The assailants are keeping me very busy lately and I find it hard to sneak in my ramblings though I know I’ll need to look back on these someday to remember just how much I survived.

The YT continues to haunt my existence though now it seems to be in a power struggle with TikTok… I think I hate the latter more.

The other day I was chauffeuring the young female to her cheer practice as she played NONSTOP YT videos on makeup. She then proceeded to explain the horrible heart wrenching drama between these YT stars. I simply said, “that’s alot of drama in the YT world ” to which she matter of factly and snidely replies “um, you mean the beauty community?” I said “Lexi, you know we didnt have YouTube to teach us how to do makeup when I was young” , to which the young female responded “I know that’s why everyone looked so wonky”

Several days previous to this I was in a fun argument with the man child (who now greatly exceeds me in vertical stature). I was talking about something I did prior to his conception and birth and he insisted he was right. I said “how would you know you weren’t even a twinkle in my eye then, it was long before you were born” to which he immediately responded “mom, females are born with every egg they’ll ever have fully intact, so yes, I WAS there” …and you see now what I am up against. I continue to need strength as I fear the forces I am up against can far outwit me😭